The Core event by Youth Specialties

Above is a picture of me (Steve Blanchard) and Tim Schmoyer. By-the-way - Tim says I’m really tall, but I just think he’s really short;) Tim had the camera and so we got this nice picture together! Tim has a great blog that you have to check out: TimSchmoyer.com. I encourage you to go to his site and downlolad his notes on the weekend event that was themed around helping hurting kids.

I enjoyed the conference as it is always hands on and practical. The great part about what Youth Specialties does is that they use real life examples for the information that they present. During our conference we had Les Christie speak to us. Les has been in youth ministry for over 40 years and I loved hearing him speak because you can just glean from his perspective of longevity.

The conference was held at Church of the Open Door in Maple Grove, MN. It was a very nice area and as I drove up to the church, I thought I was at the Mall of America - JJ, but not really.

The conference was centered around helping hurting kids. The information that was given was fantastic. The sessions that we taught were: 1) Understanding hidden hurts, 2) Critical Skills For Tackling The Tough Stuff, and 3) Successful Response Strategies. One of the types of hurting kids that I didn’t know much about in session 2 was the “cutters.” Although my stomach was getting sick, it was interesting to know that cutters don’t cut to get attention. You will actually find cutters covering up and hiding what they have done to themselves. Cutters cut for primarily two reasons: 1) Release of bottled up emotional garbage and or 2) To see if they are still alive.

More information from page 30 of our program gave us the following information:

Here’s the deal:

• 4 million North Americans are known to engage in some form of self-injury
• 90% of self -injurers begin their behavior as teenagers.
• The average self-injurer starts at age 14 and continues with increasing severity into her/his late 20’s
• The term “self-mutilation” is not appropriate and is resented by most self-injurers.

Did You Know?

• There is evidence that some self-injury could be “learned behavior”
• More than half of all self-injurers are victims of sexual abuse, and virtually all report emotionally abusive or neglected childhoods.
• Self injury is prevalent in ALL races and economic backgrounds.
• Although most self-injurers are women, up to 40% are men.
• The most commonly seen behavior is cutting, burning, and head-banging.
• Other forms of self-injury include: carving; scratching, branding, hair pulling, burning/abrasions, biting, brusing, and hitting.
• Among the reasons self-injurers give for not being able to stop:

My choice to self-injure doesn’t affect anyone but me

It’s my body and I can do whatever I want

Giving up self-injury will only make me hurt more

It’s a way to show others how much pain I’m in

It pushes people away (then I won’t be hurt again)

If I don’t self-injure I’ll probably end up killing myself

- All stats from A Bright Red Screen by Marilee Strong

I wanted to focus in on cutting because it’s one of the newest ways out there that hurting kids are coping with their pain.

What can we do?

If it’s out of our comfort zone or it looks as if this person has been trying to cut to end their lives, then we must refer them to a trained professional.

Other than that we need to be a shepherd to these hurting kids. If they are dealing with low self esteem, then we need to give them affirmation. If they are dealing with a lifetime of stuffed emotions, then we need to listen deeply. If they are dealing with feelings of profound abandonment, then we need to offer them ourselves and spend time with them. If they are dealing with a sense of personal defectiveness, then we need to offer acceptance. If they are dealing with despair, hopelessness, and feeling trapped, then we need to offer them a model of hope.

Helping hurting kids is important afterall, Jesus didn’t come for the healthy, but rather for the sick. We as youth workers get that opportunity to help a student in a desparate time of need.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” - 2 Corinthians 1:3-4